i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
