Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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