Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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