yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
