Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
