every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Randomize
