She said her name was "party"
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Sober January is a disaster.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
