I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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