A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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