I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
