Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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