The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I did not marry a roomba.
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