You smell like stripper and shame
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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