8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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