It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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