The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
