i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Randomize
