I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
