That's when you crack a 10am beer
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
