Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
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