I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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