Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
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