worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
