Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
The feeling are messing with the penis
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
All I want is dick and wine.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
