A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
