Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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