we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize