I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
