Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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