This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Sober January is a disaster.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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