It's like a parade of train wrecks.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
