If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
