She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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