This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
