I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
