Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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