Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
