Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
