Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
