I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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