Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
