the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Randomize
