The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
