I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
The Olympian is in my bed
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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