he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
