What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
