isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
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