Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
