I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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