Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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