I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
