im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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