Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
