life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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