I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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