Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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