so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
