Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
