I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
birth control should be required to get into college
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
