Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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