Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
