You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
