Sober January is a disaster.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
