The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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