Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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