I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
