Soap is not a condiment
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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