You smell like stripper and shame
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Just invented taco cereal.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Randomize
