She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
