Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
