When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
There's always time for handjobs
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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