Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
