I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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