You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
