Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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