You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
