Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
