i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
