Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
