I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
