Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
