I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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