I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
