Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
How's work?
Spinning.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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