bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
