I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
please come you make the beer taste better
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Randomize