I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
