what day is it and did you see me today?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I could fuck to npr.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
