I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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