from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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