Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
