Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
