I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
