I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i already hear my dad disowning me
I met the friendliest cop last night
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize