i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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