am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
